My Month as a Student (humor)
Week 1
Monday: Rain.
Tuesday: Rain.
Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either.
Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch.
Friday: FLY! Do first stall and second stall during same maneuver, cover instructor with lunch.

Week 2
Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratches on windshield as marker to set pitch.
Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle, "THAT BIG KNOB THING."
Also, hates it when I call instruments 'GADGETS'.
Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turn them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something during the introductory flight.
Thursday: Learned 10-degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record. -My first complement.
Friday:  Did steep turn. Instructor said I was ready for inverted flight, yet.

Week 3
Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE"
Did steep turns. She said I have to have permission for inverted flight.
Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad
when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was too loud.
Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a
learning curve. He said it seemed there was only a slight bend in mine.
Ah-ha!...progress!
Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns
around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancée's house as point again.
Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, base, and final formed a triangle,
I would be perfect. More praise!

Week 4
Monday: First landing at controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of
us on taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio
procedures.
Tuesday: asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned gray at such an early age. He
smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reach altitude next
time. C-150 will be out of shop in three days when the new nose-strut and tire arrive.
Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.
Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my
instructor is going gray.
Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked why. I told him I wanted the extra
lift as a safety margin. More ground school.
Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. He laughed till he cried. What was so funny?
Author unknown found in weekly throwaway

Gadgets:
--Consider making up a 'Fanny Pack" for your preflight. It could/should contain rubber gloves, rags, window cleaner, sump-cup, tools. Put it on during preflight because it leaves the hand free. Take it off while flying.

--Keep a supply of "post-its" of different sizes in your flight kit. Make a frequency list on a longer one for what you expect to need on a given leg. Use small one to diagram destination runway and reference points for anticipated arrival or 45 entry.

--Don't spend any money for overpriced devices from the local FBO (Fixed Base Operator or "Sporty's." The following suggestions work just as well for a lot less money.

--A COUPLE of heavy rubber bands with a paper clip will wrap around your leg and make a good device to hold small note pads.

--WEST BEND makes a series of kitchen timers and stop watches that can be bought at flea markets for as little as $8. These can be fastened to broom clips that will hold to the yoke. FBO's sell less capable timers for about $30.

--A BROOM clip can be screwed to a spring paper clip with a 1-2 inch screw to hold checklists to yoke. A small plastic rectangle will hold approach plates or writing pad.

--Keep your ground checklist on a piece of cardboard hung by string around your neck. This should include preflight, pre-start, start, taxi, run-up, and pre-takeoff in one series. A second series should be post landing, taxi, shutdown, and tie-down. The backside of the card should be outlined in red with emergency procedures.

--THE ashtray makes a good pen holder. Fasten a pen or pencil to your clipboard with a string long enough to make it useful. Hang a pen or pencil with a couple of rubber bands from the yoke as an emergency scribble digit. Always carry an extra supply of rubber bands.

--TAKE TWO (one) old sectionals and cut out a circle 10-12 inches in radius centered on your home airport. Take an old record album cover and cut a circle to maximum size. Center the cardboard and your home airport. Glue the sectional to the cardboard and trim to size. Get a piece of fairly stiff wire or a rubber band. Bend the wire so that it goes through the center of the circle and the other end so that it folds under the circumference. The rubber band must thread through the center and the ends held with a paper clip. Mark the outer edge of the sectional in 10 degree marks and 30 degree numbers as though it were a VORs. These marks should be magnetic courses centered on your home field. If your home field is near the edge of a sectional this card will make it very easy to plan local flights as well as courses requiring both sides of the sectional. Just slide the wire to the desired course. Crease the circle so it will fold for easy storage. The backside makes a good place for emergency checklists, etc. Backside printout of radio procedures is part of radio material. Design radio callups, reporting points, and runway expectations so that when looking at the chart on one side, you can flip it over and read the appropriate radio material.

--A BASEBALL type cap is invaluable when the sun is low on the horizon. It serves well as a barf bag if not ventilated. A bee in the cockpit is a problem best solved with a cap.

--A THIN tube of plastic about 15" long serves well as a fuel gauge. Be sure the plastic is fuel resistant. Hold your finger over the end to hold fuel in tube for measuring. Mark the tube at different levels to get accurate time/fuel/flight conditions consumption. Take fuel measurements before and after each flight until you learn to estimate fuel consumption accurately for the flying you do.

--SILICA GEL can be purchased with a plastic basket at Motor Home Suppliers. This will absorb cockpit moisture and protect the interior of an aircraft.

--LOSING fuel out of the overflow tube can be fixed. Raising that side of the plane on a 1x12 or 1x12 ramp for the low wheel will solve the problem.

--A long CLIPBOARD can be cut so as to be 2" narrower and then used sideways. Keep permanent checklist data and flight information such as clearance sequence, rate of climb per mile, time over 5, 10 mile distances, on one side. Have a supply of extra clips to hold notes, etc. Wide clipboards interfere with the yoke.

--SUN GLASSES
Sunglasses that pass less than 15% light will reduce acuity. Photochromic lenses may not work well with aircraft windshields. These glasses may not change rapidly enough for certain mountain conditions. Polarized sunglasses should not be used through a laminated windshield. Many glass cockpit aids cannot be read with polarized glasses. Wearing sunglasses will protect the eyes and reduce visual fatigue. Get the best 'blue-blockers' you can afford.

--Keep a partial roll of duct-tape and electrical tape in your flight kit. Carry a "Leatherman" knife, tire pressure gauge, and cellular phone. Wear walking shoes. For many years I supplied my club aircraft with a pair of blocks tied with a short cord. The blocks were a 2 x 4 about five inches long and a 2 x 6 about eight inches long. The blocks in combination made it possible to block the seats in a wide variety of spacings. Cheap, simple, effective.

Basic Knowledge for Flying
--Arriving late is better than never but not by much..
--If you have a plane that can carry a full load of passengers and baggage plus full fuel, it should have larger fuel tanks for when range needs exceed payload needs.
--Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
--If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back - then they get bigger again)
--Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
--It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
--The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
--Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
--It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
--The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
--Everyone already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
--The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
--You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
--Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
--There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no commercial pilot knows what they are.
--Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
--Trust your captain... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
-- The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
--Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
--It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
--A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
--Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
--Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
--You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
--Gravity never loses - the best you can hope for is a draw!
--Flying is the 2nd greatest thrill known to man, Landing is the 1st!
--A mandatory landing occurs when you are out of fuel.
--Flying is just throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
--If weather and winds constitute a possible problem, do not plan a refueling stop at a single runway airport. Even on the ground you may not be able to taxi to the pumps.
--For safer crosswind takeoff operations, leave the nose wheel on the ground until a bit above normal rotation speeds. Then 'pop' it off and hold it off in a crabbing angle to the runway as the wind may require.
--The mixture knob is red for a reason. Improper leaning will affect the color of your bank account.
--At ten thousand feet 30% of your power has been lost.
--Verify proper vacuum during the pre-takeoff runup.
--Running out of fuel in G.A. Aircraft happens on average, three times a week.
--Effective useable distance for a landing light is 200'. Use of light sooner does little good.
--Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
--Judgment skills are more important than flying skills.
--Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
--Ability to retreat from error is an essential attribute of a safe pilot.
--Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
--Always remember, you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
--Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
--Many receive advice, on the wise profit by it.
--He who teaches learns twice.

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