Passenger Boarding Information
Welcome aboard this non-commercial flight in the vicinity of San Francisco. We will be departing shortly and with any luck at all will continue to be airborne until our return to our departure point. You will be instructed to fasten your seat belt and you are expected to obey the aircraft captain in every other instance. Please make sure your seatbelt is on and that your seat is securely fastened to the fuselage. At this time, any personal items should be stowed securely in the trunk of your car, since there is no overhead compartment or space beneath your seat, to speak of. Please turn off all portable electronic devices, and keep them off until we have landed safely, or for the duration of the flight, whichever comes first. Smoking is not permitted inside the cabin; smoking outside the cabin should be reported to the captain immediately. There is no beverage service during the flight. If you need to make a bathroom stop, do so prior to our departure. In-flight entertainment will consist of watching the pilot's desperate struggle to control the plane. We'll be flying at an altitude deemed, in the opinion of the pilot, to be safe and most likely to avoid other aircraft. This is in theory; but, should the plane's altitude drop precipitously, please check to ensure that the pilot is awake and in an upright position. As we prepare for takeoff, please take this opportunity to locate the exit nearest you and, if you have any sense at all, avail yourself of it before it's too late. In a moment, the pilot will begin handing out the release forms in preparation for takeoff. Be assured that in all his time aloft, the pilot has never lost a passenger; however, your results may vary. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.

Books Not To Read?"
None of the titles have any bearing whatsoever on the actual skills or personalities of the people mentioned. It's just a joke, okay?
101 ways to trip a circuit breaker, or "How I saved money by rewiring my aircraft" by Jim Weir.
"How to freeze your main gear brakes by taxiing in ice and snow", And a companion work, "How to call for de-icing" by Timothy Metzinger.
"I Learned All I Needed to Know about Flying in Kindergarden" by Gene Whitt
The Pitts isn't the Pendulum by Todd Pattist
"Swing Low,Sweet Chariot - a rebuttal by by AlexY"
"Taildraggers: Just say NO" by Michael Masterov.
"C-I-T-A-B-O-R-I-A What else is there?" by Billy Beck
POH? Who needs it? And my bible......" by Fred Choate
"Flying with Left Wings Only" by machogrande as offered by Don Tabor
"I Can't Fly because Republicans Own All the Airplanes" by Machogrande
"Usenet Duelling: Invective at Ten Paces", by Machogrande
"Marx is My Co-Pilot" by Machogrande
"Become A Pilot Without Turning Into A Right-Wing, Dittohead, Freak" by Machogrande
"101 Things You Can Do Only Once in a Plane" and "Hey, Watch this Sh*t - Fun things to show Grandma on a Sunday afternoon flight" by Heather R.G. Hopfensperger
"Vector THIS....."  by a disgruntled ATC person
"Getting the Most from a Company Car" by Jim Fisher.
"How to Win friends and Influence your Airport Nieghbors" By: Mike "I Need A New Muffler" Hoza
"Snooze Rooms-The Pllot's Guide"'by bluestreak
"The F.A.A. and You: How to Enforce the F.A.R.'s on Your Own" and "FAR Self-Study: Learn How to Violate Yourself" by Jeff Johnson
 "1001 Ways to Sell Aviation Literature", by Bob Gardner.
 "The MU-2 Story", by Mike
 "Wear Your Airplane", by Tina Marie, clothing specialist
 "Missouri Summer Favorites: Cooking on Your Cowling", by Dustin Graves
 "How to Remember the Keys Before You Get Strapped In and Ready to Go", by Dustin Graves
"External Power and Antennae Cord Management Inside Cockpit For Dummies", by Dustin Graves
"Everything I need to know about being a CFI I learned in kindergarten" by Joe~~
"How to use an IFR approach to get a straight in to almost any airport" by St Stephen Ames
 "Three point landings using only one main" by Highflyer
 "Slips with Flaps: How to land the 172" by Tina Marie
 "Coping with flapping doors" by Ben Tristam
 "Coping with deflated tailwheels", with a followup work, "Finding 4-inch innertubes at 6pm on a Saturday night in Corpus Christi" by Dylan Smith
 "The Wonderful World of Cessnas" by Stephen Ames
"Badges? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Line Badges" by Bob Gardner
"Say Anything, Please" or "A Pilot's Guide to Squelch" or "26 Ways to Annoy Approach Controllers" by Unknown
"The Performance of Light Bricks" or "Full-Flap Takeoffs in the 152" by john Lowry
"Unadorned Skydiving for Experts" and a second book "Slipping With Flaps, Landings Made Dangerous" by Tina Marie
"Buying too much airplane: How to survive the first 50 hours" by Tina Marie
"Flying for Dummies, "Hurricane Crosswinds made Simple" and "101 Ways to Bust your Checkride" by James Bieker
"You, Your Airplane, and Radio Shack", by Jim Weir?
"Freds's Guide to Crashing Small Planes" by Fred Choate, Student Pilot
"Passenger Terror - How to have fun with your small-plane passengers" By | Jay Hoeneck
"Teach Yourself To Fly In 30 Minutes or Less" by Roy Smith, CFI
"Do It Yourself Engine Repairs for Dummies" by Ron and Margie Natalie
"FARs Made Complicated" by Stan Prevost
"Zero-Zero: IMC for Beginners" by Andy Grose.
|Up Close & Personal: Formation Flying for the Novice. by Steve Ames
The Sky's the Limit: How to Experimentally Determine the Service Ceiling of Your Aircraft. Part 1. Without Supplemental O2. by Steve Ames
Those who can do, those who can't teach: A Guidebook for CFI's. by Gene Whitt
"Get Your PPL in 500 Hours or Less" ; Subtitled "The $9000 Dream." "Objekt's
Guide to CFI's of NC and Southwestern VA," and "Your Third through Seventh Instructors." all by Objekt
"The F.A.A. and You: How to Enforce the F.A.R.'s on Your Own" by Jeff Johnson
"There's No Math In Flight", by John T. Lowry
"Zero Zero takeoff for Dummies"; "VFR Not Recommended: What's he really saying?"; "He sure looked far enough away in the camera" by St Stephen Ames
"Running on the Fumes from Formulas," by John T. Lowry.
|"Learn to fly by spending the next two years reading text files" by Gene Whitt.
"Perfecting Your Go-Around," by Karen Alexander
"SoCal Approach, Where Do YOU Think I Am?; How to find the airport without admitting you're lost"--by Tim Howell
"Teach Yourself Aerobatics in Only One Lesson" by Jeff
"IMC Adventures with John Wayne (Airport)" by Victor Morange;^)
"Build Your Own Plane from Scratch for Less than $10 with Common Radio Shack Parts"; >Previously printed as a 4-part series in Kitplanes_.by Tim Howell?
"How to hack your old PCS phone into a linear detection super accurate Loran receiver" by Chuck Forsberg 
"Grumpy old men and their flying machines" --by highflyer
"Real Airplanes are for Wimps" by Microsoft
"Radio Engineers do it with Frequency" by Jim Weir
"The Sun actually rises in the West" by Troll Inc.
"Gay Pilots may Bite me" by Anonymous|
Teach yourself semiconductor physics in 14 days (a beginners guide for the aspiring student pilot), by Jim Weir
"Proper Flaring Technique" (or "There's two fat guys in the front seats of this plane. It's bound to be nose heavy") by Al Gilson's CFI
"Upper Body Workouts and the Primer: The Guide to Starting a Cessna at 20 Below" -by Stella in Minnesota
"Pattern Flying at Uncontrolled Fields: How to Cut-in When It Really Counts" by Jeff Johnson.
"101 Excuses Your Examiner Never Heard" by Unknown
 "How To Check The Oil In A Greasy Navajo And Not Stain Your White Shirt" by bluestreak 
 "The Complete Crew Car Guide" by bluestreak 
 "Jepp Revisions Made Easy" by bluestreak 
 "The Beginner's Guide To Aerobatics In V-Tail Bonanzas" by bluestreak 

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